So my "baby fever" is back in full swing. I had the amazing pleasure of watching my neighbors twins yesterday. They are 8 months old and crawling all over the place. I know I always have said I want multiples but oh man!!! They crawl in different directions, they get upset at different times and they fight with eachother already. It was hilarious! I was definitely wiped out after watching them but it was fun to play with babies all day. It was a somewhat sad reminder that it might not be my fate to have kids and I was kinda depressed. I began to feel sorry for myself that I might never hold my "own" baby. And I felt sorry for Matt that because of me he may never be able to do the same. I still hold on to the hope that I will be in that 12% and I'll be able to. But it's a tough pill to swallow. I sometimes feel God made a mistake since I love children so much and that Matt does as well. But I know his plan is bigger than my wants. But it's hard not to get mad that all these unwed teenagers are having babies or all these families that don't care about kids and even worse all the women that have abortions. I feel like it's not fair. But I guess I need to let that issue go and see what happens. I mean Between Matt and I we have 8 neices and nephews and tons of other kids that flock to us on a daily basis. It's just hard sometimes...
On a better note.. I get to be married to the most wonderful amazing talented and charming person on the planet. That might sound stupid but it's so true. During all my clingy, sad, ugly moments he looks me right in the eyes and tells me how much he loves me. Even when I feel like I don't love myself he's there to tell me I'm pretty and make me laugh. Wow that sounds like I'm crazy..ha ha...but we all know girls are emmotional and I am no exception. I am completely blessed beyond anything I could imagine.
Well today we're leaving to go see my grandpa for what could be the last time. He's not getting any better and talks about wanting to go be with his mom and dad. He's led a great life and I'm proud he's my grandpa. I just wish he didn't have to go. It's kinda selfish but I want him with me. It's a reminder that our time here is short and that there IS a better life waiting for us. I hope he'll still be able to see us when he's gone. I wish my nieces and nephews were old enough to really appreciate how amazing he is. But I'm sure they will hear all the stories and see all the pictures.
So to end this and go get packed I'll leave you with my favorite verse:
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God
and have been called according to his purpose.
I think I need to keep that in mind more often.
